I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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