Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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