Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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