morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
