dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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