Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize