sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
