Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
