Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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