There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are we still banned from the library?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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