Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
