i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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