god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
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I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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