Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
