This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
