It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
