is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
