I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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