OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do vagina's smell?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
