it wasn't lemon gatorade
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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