take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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