Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
