I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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