is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
