I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
