Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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