2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
