I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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