It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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