How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
