how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
