I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
