Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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