she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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