I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
