it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
