I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
