You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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