At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
