If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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