dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
And then he peed in my hair
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