Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
