Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
