I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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