Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
