I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
