when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
