We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm so fucking centered right now
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
