so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
