Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
