did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just cropdusted the office
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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