They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
