I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
