I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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