How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
