u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How external is "for external use only"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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