We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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