I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
