so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
