I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
