okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
