Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't deserve a penis
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
