It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize