Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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